theres so much i want to say right now, that i am borderline talking to myself. This is not okay. who in the hell decided that my life was going to lead up to this. I would probably be spewing this out in my journal, but thats upstairs and at this moment its just too far.
i want so much to not feel like this. i want to be able to look at myself and go, "okay, im completely independent", but i cant. I cant do it, because in reality im not. Im not independent in funds, and ive come to realize im not completely independant in happiness either. I mean, to a certain extent saying my happiness relies on another is completely ridiculous because if it came down to it i could be happy on my own, but for the time being im completely enthralled with somewhat of my happiness relying on another. ive never been this person, but i guess when i think more in depth about it its kinda nice having another person.
to be honest, this distance has been fucking with my head and i think its all very retarded.
i just want to go. my mind isnt here. i need to go find it.
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